Perception is 9/10th of the Law!

Have you ever heard  the saying that “possession is 9/10ths of the law”?  It is an expression that means ownership is easier to maintain if one has possession of something or is difficult to enforce if one does not.  While it is not literally true in a legal sense, in the Hatfield–McCoy feud (remember that famous family feud?), with testimony evenly divided, the doctrine that possession is nine-tenths of the law caused Floyd Hatfield to retain possession of the pig that the McCoys claimed was their property.  

A similar saying can be applied to our working relationships with people, except it goes “perception is 9/10ths of a relationship”.  How people perceive you dramatically affects the way they will treat you, their loyalty to you, the amount of trust in the relationship, and your ability to successfully work with them to accomplish something.  So, how do you give others a good perception of you?  For me, it’s an easy rule of three – Respect, honesty and consistency. 

1.       Treat people with respect.  Something wasn’t done or done right?  You’re frustrated and angry?  Step outside, take a deep breath and count to ten.  This is the workplace; we are all professionals here.  There is never a good reason to disrespect someone else, belittle them or make them feel bad, no matter what.  One thing that helps me is I see all mistakes, problems and issues as something wrong with the PROCESS, not with the PERSON, and an opportunity to improve.  FYI - It’s a lot harder to get angry at a process than a person.

2.       Be honest with people.  If people know you are straight with them – and that’s your reputation – you build trust and you build loyalty.  They will trust your word and be more likely to follow your lead and excuse a mistake if you make one.  Part of this is don’t make promises you cannot keep.  That is an important part of being honest – with other people and yourself.   Besides, I find the older I get, the more my memory is challenged!  I don’t want to have to remember – or rely on my memory for – what I tell people.  If you don’t lie, you don’t have to remember what lie you told.

3.       Be consistent.  People are resistant to change.  Having someone that is predictable and solid to depend on is comforting to most people.  It allows them to know what to expect and how to coordinate getting their part done when working with someone else.  And think of this…which “me” are you going to trust is the real me?  The one that is nice to you 10% of the time, or that yells at you 90% of the time?

And remember one thing, like it or not, we are always aware of and judging the actions of those around us, even of those actions are not directed at us. 

“Your smile is your logo, your personality is your business card, how you leave others feeling after having an experience with you becomes your trademark.” - Jay Danzie

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The Right Tool For The Right Job (or, If I Had a Hammer....)

In college, I had a professor of finance and while I cannot remember his name, I will never forget something he said one day in class.

We had just finished our mid-term exam, and most of the class was worked up and complaining about the test.  The professor, at the last minute, made us take the test in the computer lab using Lotus 1-2-3 (for those of you too young to remember, Lotus 1-2-3 was the #1 spreadsheet software on the market before Excel).  In the late ‘80s, personal computers were still not that common.  Most kids coming into college had never used one, and it was a rare student that actually owned a computer.

So naturally, most of the students in the class thought it was completely unfair that the professor would make them take the test on a computer.  And, like only kids and college students can, they whined about the total unfairness of it all, “I thought this was a finance class, not a computer class!  It’s not fair!  I don’t know how to use a computer!” 

At which point the professor said something brilliant!  “If you were a carpenter, trying to get a job in construction and you told the foreman you couldn’t use a hammer, do you think he would hire you?!?!  Spreadsheet software is the hammer of business & finance.  You won’t be able to get a job in finance if you don’t know how to use it.”

Basically he told us to suck it up and learn how to use (and find) the right tool for the job.

“Technology is nothing.  What’s important is that you have faith in people, that they are basically good and smart, and if you give them tools, they’ll do wonderful things with them.”  - Steve Jobs

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Fight or Flight

What is conflict?  Most of us would define it by the ugly behaviors we see – loud voices, yelling, disagreement, sometimes it gets physical – or, by how it makes us feel – uncomfortable, angry, frustrated, scared.  The reality is that this type of conflict is the very small minority.  We experience conflict regularly, every day, in usually very safe and non-threatening ways – deciding where to go to dinner with someone, solving a problem as a team, taking care of a customer issue, working out your priorities for the day with your supervisor.  None of these things have to feel or act like the kind of “conflict” above.

So, how do I define conflict?  It is when two or more people are discussing something – anything – and there is more than one opinion.  Simple as that.  No yelling.  No red in the face.  No animated gestures (and certainly no fistfights).   Just…more than one opinion.

The risks of “fight” or “flight”:

The dangers of “fight” – the ugly kind of conflict – is pretty straight forward.  When you don’t treat people with respect, you risk losing them.  They shut down and eventually they leave for a better, less stressful environment.  It also leads to anger.  When you’re really angry, you don’t tend to think very well, leading to poor decision (just watch any episode of Cops).

Dangers of “flight” – conflict avoidance – is twofold.  (1) You will never get what you want, and you’ll be miserable – If you always back down or never speak up how will anyone ever know what you want?  And, you won’t ever get what you want.  Worse, you’ll get angry at the other person for “always getting their way”, when in fairness, it’s your fault for not speaking up, not theirs.  (2) You risk settling for an inferior decision.  Dialog & discussion are good things.  Having more than one opinion and perspective leads to better decision and fewer mistakes.  Two heads (or more) are better than one……

Things to do:

If you are a fighter….learn to take a deep breath and count to 10.  Often we can get to the solution quicker by taking the strong emotions out of it.

If you are an avoider….learn that your opinion counts.  And if you feel un-safe sharing your opinion with someone, create “rules of engagement” or “rules of disagreeing”.  Having an agreed way of communicating in advance with someone is a great way to encourage dialog around differences of opinion.

“Conflict is unavoidable.  Combat is optional.”  - Max Lucado (author and preacher)

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